confessions (feeling usher topic daw! nyay!) ;p

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I am now sitting here in my sisters' room using our pc. (I definitely need my own laptop!) Finally I have arrived home ;p I drove for 6 hours 11:30pm-5:30am. My dad just drove from san diego to l.a. then at the later part of the trip... Hayun I definitely needed that SAn DIEGO trip! It was one of those breaks na I am very thankful to have come on cuz there were stuffs that bothered my mind. But it was good because, na derecho ko na ang mga buhol buhol na tali na bumubulabog ng utak ko. 

Anyhoo, bago ang lahat gusto ko lang ipagmayabang (paumanhin niyo na ako ha… hehhee) na i have a new track record.... (drum roll) ta-da 110mph (180 kph) sa interstate 5. Maraming risks hehhe dahil 70mph lang ang pwede at ginawa ko yun habang nagiisnore ang kabado kong tatay ko na nasa passenger side wehehehe... kasi everytime na bigla siyang magigising mabibigla siya kasi over the speed limit daw ako! nyay! gayahin ko daw siya... (double) nyay! naknamputcha e di nakatulog ako nun habang nagdradrive... wahahaha.. wala lang...

balik tayo sa topic...  hayun nga so a close friend of mine (which i will not tell his/her name for private reasons) -walang  pakelemanan!- told me na, there must be a reason kung bakit naging ganun yung nangyari kay renee... there always is daw... yun yung pinagisipan ko the whole trip at kahapon lang ako nalinawagan habang nagjojogging ako sa coronado beach while the cool waves gently touch my feet and as the magnificent sun glares up at my face. (drama ba?) 0 yun nga para bang finally there was a stroke of clarity dawning from my crazy, confused mind.

I have to be honest, I haven't been really honest (hahah tamad na ako magisip ng word! wlang pkelamanan!) in this blog... cuz there are some certain things that might affect people cuz most of my very very close friends read this.. kaya i don't want them to ruin my relationship and their relationship with others cuz of reading this blog! (basta gets niyo ba?) anyway, to cut it short, I have secrets... like everybody else and I plan to keep that way cuz I am a private person (ironic noo? bakit kaya may blog ako!) anyhoo, yun nga... basta eto na lang basahin niyo..

I wasn't played... I just said that because i was mad... usually kasi when bad things happen I automatically blame myself and my insecurities speak out loudly. Because growing up, my self-esteem wasn't really that intact (you can ask mom why? nde love ko yun kahit ganun) hahaha....  It was sort of a blessing na I ended dating renee... cuz if it got more serious than that then it would have been really bad... really bad... she will only get hurt... cuz she doesn't know the real reason why I decided to say those things to her... and I can't say the reason why cuz... it's kinda a touchy topic... delikado... hayun... basta it was about the roots of my feelings for her kaya... I confess that while she was trying to play me, I was playing her from the start... sorry I am soo bad.. the thing is when you have bad habits.. it's so natural na what you are doing kaya you forget the main reason of why you are doing it cuz... basta ganun ako... eto ang naisip ko e.. sinusulat ko lang po.. anyway, the weird thing about it is... being kupal has been very natural for me.. and I have no clue why... I have to confess din na when I was back in P.I. i was a good boy... santo pa nga e... martyr in short... it took me 21 years to realize what I am... and I don't plan on changing anything ... hayun just some thoughts that entered my mind... hehe... 

hayun, thank God for this trip... I feel a big thorn has been taken out of my brain.

( My next post will be about the trip, as of now, I need to take a bath (kakain ako sa labas with bayi’s fam)  ;p ye-hey!