soul to squeeze

Red Hot Chili Peppers

I got a bad disease.Up from my brain is where I bleed. In sanity it seems, Is got me by my soul to squeeze. Well all the love from me, With all these dying trees I scream. The Angels in my dreams, have turned to demons of greed, That's me.
Where I go I just don't know, I got to, got to, gotta take it slow. When I find my piece of mind, I'm gonna give you some of my good time. Today loves smile on me, it took away my pain , said please All that you ride is free , You gotta let it be,
Oh ya.
Where I go I just don't know, I got to, gotta, gotta take it slow. When I find my piece of mind, I'm gonna give you some of my good time. You're so polite indeed, Well I got everything I need. Oh make my days a breeze, And take away my self destruction. It's bitter baby, And it's very sweet. I'm on a rollercoaster, but I'm on my feet. Take me to the river, Let me on your shore. I be coming back baby, I be coming back for more.
Doo doo doo doo dingle zing a dong bone, ba-di ba-da ba-zumba crunga cong gone bad,
like an apple gift but i went out and never said my pleasures, I'm much better but I won't regret it never
Where I go I just dont't know, I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind, I'm gonna give you some of my good time. Where I go I just don't know, I might end up somewhere in Mexico.

When I find my piece of mind ,
I'm gonna keep for the end of time.

new poem unleashed :)

===================================
....Poetry arrived
in search of me. I don't know. I don't know where
it came from, from winter or a river.
I don't know how or when....
--- Pablo Neruda
===================================

surprisingly, natapos ko siya kahapon kasi ganyan ako magsulat ng poem...
walang rules i write whatever and whenever... akala ko kung minsan never na siya matatapos
more on freeverse kasi ako e... nde ko kya magsulat na may restrictions....

oh well, i couldn't sleep last night because of this new poem of mine... it is so real kasi for me so every word and structure... matagal kong pinagisipan... i know naramdaman ko na dati ito although it's different lang talga now... pro this poem is my best yet... darker and deeper... it somehow brings out a psychotic side of myself... it is more of my insanity and obssession towards some certain things.. anyway, what are you doing reading this intro... read on na!!! bilis hehhe... here goes... ;P

============================================================================
Silent Wars

It scares me when I think about it
I come crawling again
Into a familiar path
But I found myself lost once again

As the bright crescent moon slowly hovers around this path
like a lamp in an eerie sea of darkness
I see the same shadows probing behind the walls of my sanity

I am alone again.

In the dark, where I lay beside a twisted, perverse abyss
which sucked and slandered the core of my being.
The hole that became solely responsible for the
fierce winds that severely battled from
where the banners of my life faced to,
seem to die and fade out slowly.

it starts a surreptitious flame

and spreads incessantly,
creating an inferno
underneath my
desiccated
skin

I am stunned.
Because I know this signals
the start of the revolution.

The red flag has been raised
the silent wars beneath me
has begun.
(2)
Confusion circles inside my mind
like a rapturous vulture
with starving, deadly eyes
feasting on its bloodied, powerless prey.
Its daunting presence belligerently
freezes my brain
that bluntly distorts my ideas
and raises infinite doubts in everything that I believe in.

Day in and day out the spherical walls
that I have built to protect me are penetrated easily.

I am vulnerable again.

Inside
this newly-worn, sturdy, shiny mask
that has shielded me before
and deceived more people than I could ever have imagined
seems to be valuable again

(3)
I psyche myself to fight back
I spit out blood that originated deeply from my roots
and it fills my veins with wrath.
Then I retaliate.
With every limb on my body,
I use all the strength that I have
and fight it like there is no tomorrow.

Yet,
I stumble
and fall into this pit of darkness
Twisting and nibbling on
what is left inside me

I silently plunge down into the
subconscious depths of this familiar territory
and gaze upward,
just admiring the zenith of my soul.

A dilemma abruptly whacks me in the face
And raises an unanswerable, ironic question…

How come you made it so simple for me to love
someone like you
but
when its time for me
to let you go

I find myself descending through a bottomless hell and battling the silent wars from within?

================================================================
Albertto G 2003

just got this from vic and mari... hehhe mukhang aliw e :)

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

poem :)

i haven't posted in a while i am working on new poem... i will post a teaser
anytime this week hehe... whoa... okay siya in fairness, iba naman ang theme ko...
more about me and the situation i am in right now..... wala lang... abangan... :)

skills or gpa

Like a typical college student, damn i am torn between getting the easy teachers to get an A and picking one that will challenge me and develop my skills. The choice is a major one because it might determine my the status of getting my ass into a big university here in cali.

I know it would be really nice to get an A or 4.0 after the subject course but is it worth it?

My english teacher now continually persisted that I change the section of my english class next term because the teacher is somewhat not capable of giving out the complete subject matter pretty well. In short, he is a ticket to a nonesense class that would probably hand me an A; but, it will pull up my GPA to greater extent. So dillema slapped me again. What the hell do I want? Skills or that much coveted GPA?!?

Imustdecidesoon......... aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A note to myself 3 years from now (Nov 17, 2006) 7:57pm

- By now, you have graduated from the University Of California; thus, hold and look at your diploma with pride and feel the hardships and sacrifices you had to take after all those years.... finally you are done with your undergraduate studies!!!... but you are still studying and you are currently enrolled in the Gemological Institute of America trying to get a diploma to become a graduate gemologist down south cali in Los Angeles

- By now, you have a car that you have paid for on your own and it will be a fast tight-ass car that is loaded. Although you already saved a lot of money to actually buy it now, it wouldn't be a porsche yet because you scheduled that you will own that kind of car next year.

- By now, you are paying monthly bills for your own apartment; however, you will be moving into your own house maybe up north pretty soon :)

- By now, you have wrote more than a hundred poems and you are proud about every single of each. The weird thing about it is everybody who reads it loves it that much too... :)

- By now, you have already closed a deal with Macy's inc. that Silverworks and Ocampo's will be the official distributor for their jewelry department around the U.S.A.

- By now, you have branched out a handful of Silverworks stores here in California

- By now, all your investments and stocks are skyrocketing and it's hard to admit but you guess it... you are now filthy rich!!!
(*/me grins*) hehehe
-> BUT!!! take note... you will still be a fucking jologs person and stupid in your own sense even though you are halfway through your mountain and punyeta kuripot and skwater parin as hell!!! :) .... it's like nothing changed and your old friends are still there to support you and love you, and they do not know why heheh... sympre you will have more and more new friends although iba parin yung old trusted friends mo men :)

- By now, you have accomplished 1/4 of your 101 goals in life so you look at your life and be happy for your fulfilling achievements.

- As for your love life, (which you wrote down dto sa paper ngayon lang)... SECRET hehe... kya sorry nalang kayo... basta ang masasabi ko lang... wala lang... hehehe... ;p

-to be continued

heroes

Instead of writing about me, I am going to post the essay that I did for my english class. I am so happy because my Filipino teacher who was teaching english (hehe) told me that I have matured into a writer that what I wrote was in the range of A to A+. She actually praised me in class about my write up which made me blush... oh well here goes.... hope you guys like it.


Rene Tanjuakio
The Greatest Heroes of My Life

Can you imagine a world without heroes? In the shallow world that we now live in, wherein almost all people of all ages idolize pop stars and athletes, do you ever wonder why people stop recognizing the people who are responsible for giving them food for the soul or just the plain simple joys of life? I believe that, in my life, heroes are those people who give meaning and direction to my life. Sometimes, we take for granted the people who we see almost every day. In my opinion, those people we do not take notice of are the greatest heroes of our lives. They don’t only serve as guides, but they serve to inspire me as well.

My first example of a true, modern day hero is my grandfather in the Philippines. His name is Victor Hugo Gutierrez, and I call him Lolo Jugs. I consider Lolo Jugs one of the most influential people in my life for the reason that he never fails to motivate me when it comes to life and especially in sports. “Laziness is the holiday of fools” is what he says always when he sees me lying around lazily in bed watching television inside the room. He teaches me the value of work. In order to get what I want, I have to work hard for it. He emphasizes the need to start my way from the bottom to develop humility and respect. I really think that he is a personal hero of mine because he was my model and my guide in the battles I used to face back when I was still in the Philippines. I never knew before that the wise words that I used to laugh at were the words that I used in one of the darkest moments of my life. It was a time when my life was cloaked with so many failures and that I did not know what to do. His wise words made me pick up the pieces of my life and get it back on track again.

I admire Lolo Jug’s way of getting involved and teaching me the greatest lessons in life. I remember the time when I was still living in the Philippines; he would always urge me to be active in sports. He would ask me if I wanted to go to the driving range with him and practice our swings. I never really knew how important those moments were until I immigrated to this country six months ago. In the short time that I was with him, I never realized that it was our only quality time together. He taught the greatest lesson of all, which is to live a simple and humble life. He educated me that even if I became successful, I must learn how to keep a low profile always. I also learned from him that I should make money and not let money make me. He made sure that I understood that money is not everything, and it should not change and dictate the way that I am. I know the things I learned from him will stay in my heart always even if he passes away. However, I don’t want him to leave this world without knowing that he has my supreme admiration and he has my undying respect for making a difference in my life. I never really put much thought into how he has become my hero until I started working on this essay. I know he is thousands of miles away now, but his presence is always with me. I hear his voice constantly pushing me to develop my potential and work hard on my goals. Even though he is now seventy six years old, he has this way of reaching out to me and changing my life in simple ways I could never have imagined, which for me is one of the best reasons why I consider him as one of the heroes in my life.

In addition to my Lolo Jugs, I consider my grandmother as a true modern day hero too. Her name is Amada Ocampo Gutierrez, and I call her Lola Madge. She is the embodiment of what a spiritual human being is all about. Lola Madge is heroic for me because she always tells me about God and about His other plans for me. That is why she reminds me not to stop fighting for what I want and what I believe in. She never fails to give me hope in times of trials and struggles. She is so religious that, when I see her, I have a hard time distinguishing her from being my grandmother to being my guardian angel. I admire her because she has taught me the value of prayer and the importance of developing my spiritual life. She lives a saintly life wherein she influences me so much that I wanted to follow her footsteps ever since I was still a kid. When I was growing up in the Philippines, my fondest memory of Lola Madge was every time she had a birthday party. She would always go out of her way to invite the needy. She would always ask the deaf and mute students at her school to celebrate her birthday with her. It really struck me every time I saw how happy and fulfilled she looked when her birthday came. I realized that I also wanted to feel that way. Therefore, last year for my 20th birthday, I worked hard to have a birthday party inside a children’s cancer institution, and, for that reason, I had one of the most gratifying moments of my life. She has been a really symbolic figure that I look up to when it comes to acts of benevolence and generosity.

Lola Madge is not only a religious and generous woman; furthermore, she is also a survivor who has passed many trials. I could recall all the times she told me about the experiences she had raising her eight kids, including my mom. She narrates inspiring stories about how she dealt with problems. One of her stories that I fondly remember when their house caught on fire and a lot of their neighbors were crowding around their house. Lola Madge thought her neighbors were helping them take the possessions out of the house, but little did she know that they were looting and stealing the items they worked hard for all their life. She was angry and frustrated about what happened, but she just put her faith in God, and miracles seemed to pop out of nowhere. I really believe that the struggles she has been through developed her strong, principle-centered character, which can be compared to all the heroines the world has ever recognized. However, in the history of my life, I consider her as one of the greatest women who has ever lived.

I know I will be successful someday, and I am sure I will never forget the values and the ideals Lolo Jugs and Lola Madge have instilled in me. They are so valuable in my life that I will not think twice of recognizing them as the greatest heroes of my life. They have given me strength within myself and taught me so much about life in such a short span of time. Now that we are far away from each other, I know the lessons, motivation, and memories they shared me with, will always and forever be a part of me.

I firmly believe that a true modern day hero does not necessarily mean making a game winning shot in a basketball game, as well as a hero can not be defined because of a powerful singing voice or a beautiful face in television. A hero for me, on the other hand, can be the person I saw this morning eating breakfast with me, the person who whispered an inspiring quote to me a while ago, or better yet, the last person who made me smile and made my day. We just have to continually reexamine, open our eyes, and recognize the people who are with us everyday because if we don’t tell them now, it might be too late. My Lolo Jugs and Lola Madge have somehow handed me the tools to guide me and I alone must grab them with both hands and utilize them to climb my own mountain. I know it is still a long way to the top; in spite of this, they both have given me more than they could have given me in more than a lifetime. These qualities should be what we ought to look for in defining what a hero should be, and I am proud of having them in my life.

right mind

I haven't been in the right mind lately to write in my blog... last week has been one week that came so fast that i haven't had time to think and reflect on how much it has affected me. Let's just say it wasn't a normal week for me. The balance that I keep on maintaining has made some surprising turns that still left me staring at myself again. I have to end this now, I will write again when I am ready...