mind orgasm

Have you experienced this, wherein at a certain time unknowingly and without warning, a sudden burst of ideas constantly explode and pop out of your head? You are trying to concentrate on what you want to do, and then somehow a feeling of which can described more of like "mind orgasm" just slams you on the head and you can't do anything about it?

As for me, it always strikes at night when I am most vulnerable. Like a thief in the night, it creeps into my head undetected. I get lost and I just can't help but close my eyes and meditate. I become numb and my mind is now open to anything. It's pretty weird because I feel like, at this time, my mind is actually separated to my body.

Is it a sign? Is my mind telling me something I don't know? What does it mean? Are there hidden meanings in those visions?

I felt like this dude named in Siddhartha in the book that i read before. He was looking for spiritual enlightenment and he gave up everything from being a Brahmin’s son to being a follower of Buddha just to be able to find peace within himself. However, the thing is he chose to meditate, as for me, I am not choosing to but it just shakes my thoughts endlessly and creates a hurricane of ideas that springs into a night when I always least expect it. I know I need to get some sleep because I know I have a busy schedule the day after so I constantly bang my head with my fist to make it stop; nevertheless, it doesn't stop there and it just gets worse until I get tired and lay dead like a f*cking log.

The morning after is always the same. My mind doesn't seem like it was before, which is making my attention span on that day from 100-10. My mind is still wandering but I bite into the crust of my responsibilities. I have a lot of things to do so I need to get my mind to get acquainted again to my body. The whole day I will be struggling to stick to my body again and that night everything will be normal again.

After this, I have nothing to do but continue my life as it is, climb my mountain, and work on my goals. Then surprisingly it strikes again just disrupting the flow of things and making a confused man out of me.

tama ba yun? nde nakoo teenager e!!!

You're a jock.


What Creepy Teenager Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

part time dad/part time mom/kuya bart

Last Sunday was one of my longest days ever; however, things seem to fall into their right places smoothly. It was somehow touching to see me and my sisters actually doing the work for preparing, entertaining, and cleaning for one whole day. I felt so tired after that day; nevertheless, I really had a wonderful and fun time doing it especially for my (middle) little sister, Beatrice. My dad is at work until 1:30pm that day, and my mom is in the Philippines until next month, so who do you think will carry all the responsibilities for that day?

I came home at around 11:30pm the night before and it just dawned on me on that time the weight of the task at hand. I had no qualms about making one cool party for my sister, but the thing is, I don't know if I could even get up and pull through in the next morning. Of course, the friggin nerd that I am, I always have a reflex action to put down things whenever thoughts come to my head. I have this small blue notebook that I always carry. I use it for my checklist, my mini blog, and my thought bank. Whatever comes into mind, I will always put everything there except when I am lazy. :)

Anyway, my daily routine started at 5:00am to bring my dad to work. I guess I am already used to it. I had this feeling like I was going to a midnight mass, a.k.a."simbang gabi". (ano english nito kalimutan ko na!) ;p Especially when I get back home and I couldn't sleep I remember those 9 mornings (uy mari si piolo!!!) when I came home from church. I don't seem to understand why, but I just feel that way. I always try to sleep before starting the day because I have less than an hour to rest.

I woke up hearing Nicole's voice, my (oldest) little sister, shouting to get my ass up because a million things to do. Of course, she couldn't go anywhere because I was obviously the only driver in the house. We went to auntie loo's house (i don't know what i would do if not for her!). We got the lechon kawali and mang thomas. :) We also ate breakfast there! Good Lord!!! We borrowed some containers and utensils. We left after a while because we have to clean up and decorate. The house is a mess, the food is not yet fully prepared, and our guests will be there in 4 hours.(whoopie doo!!! what a joy!!!!) We had to go to mass so that's minus one. I gave my sisters assignments. Nadine, the youngest, cleaned the floor, Bea fixed the shoe rack and cleaned with me, and Nicole was in charge of the food. I fixed the table, organized the utensils, cleaned the living room (and hide the trash hehe), I put cooked rice and cleaned the bathroom. I did everything to clean the whole house because it is embarrassing to see the house in a mess right? Sometimes I think that I am an OC-OC but I love it!!! I congratulated them because they did a splendid job and after 30 minutes the first batch of visitors came. It was aunt loo's family and they helped us with more stuff to make it better. They also brought the magic mic videoke!!! (hehe) which was good, but since we still don't have a television set. We asked one of my aunts to bring a small tv.

Batch by batch our relatives came and we ate a lot of food and we just hung out. After eating, we played pusoy dos and the kids were playing monopoly. Aunt loo said that it looked like we were in the beer garden (more of like nasa patay hehe). We realized that after a while of hanging out and playing around we found ourselves having fun. I know it's very shallow, but because of the ever so so stressful life of the way people live here, it's so hard not to understand why. Before everyone left, we ordered four boxes pizza. I love pizza. Who doesn't? The blanket of cheese, the luscious slice of pepperoni, and those mouth-watering mushrooms, one bite can make me crazy!

After everybody went home, I was dead tired. I wanted to lie down, but I still can't! You know why? We still have to clean up, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, put the excess food in the ref, and everything that involves cleaning. It's a good thing Nicole was there to help or else I could have passed out doing all the work. Of all the house chores that I have done, I don't know why I hate cleaning the dishes. Oh well, after all those things were finished. I had time to relax. At last! I can lie down.

However, my day doesn't stop there. I had to get up again after 10 minutes and study for my biology test. Wow! I had to memorize all those science crap. I can deal with english and math but I don't know why I find science so so boring. The good thing about it is I didn't fall asleep while studying, but I barely had the strength to stand up the next morning... oh yes, I have to bring my dad to work again! (magsisimbang gabi ulit ;p ) and the routine goes on and on and on... Consequently, while I was working 2:30-11pm the next day, I almost collapsed while getting a costume for a customer. But, I still forced myself to get through the day making the start of the week more stressfull as it is.

What I learned here is no amount of money can replace the hardships and sacrifices that you can give to your sibling. She might not remember this (f*ck hope not hahaha), but there's this great amount of happiness that was ignited in me that no money or any material in this world could replace. Maybe it's what they call love, but whatever it is it sure made me a happy man out of me, and I can't seem to understand why. I hope Bea had the time of her life, because I know I did. ;p

this morning

haaah!! this morning i had to wake myself up at 5 in the morning... the bad thing about it i couldn't sleep last night... my mind keeps rewinding my phone conversation with my bey... is it because two months had passed and we haven't talked in the phone? or is it because i have been constantly dreaming about her?... i miss her badly and i did something stupid again which i persistently asked for forgiveness for....i think im going to call her again... heehee mangungulit lang...anyway, i envy my mom for going back to the philippines... i think she will be there until nov.17 cuz that's the date she was asked for to come work for tiffany's...

oh well, i slept i think at around 2am; consequently, i was driving my dad to work with the half of my brain still sleeping... i was having a hard time opening my eyes while i was on my way to the airport....the thing is winter is coming up pretty fast and its getting really colder and colder... the sun comes up at around 7:30am at this time of the year... and it's getting harder and harder to wake up as another day comes...when i came back from the airport i had time to sleep for another hour... and after that... nadine, my youngest sister, came barging in the dining room and telling me that she forgot to do her home work... ugh! she really got me wide awake... i had to put holes in her cardboard project and supposedly put a string inside it... i was really in a hurry because at that time i was already supposed to be driving toward sanbruno because i might miss the bus...we did it just in the nick of time... i almost went bezerk but it turned out pretty well...i had to drive my sisters too to school you know? then when nadine came out of the car...i thought she was going to thank me or say something sweet... then she said.... something like...

"ay kuya.... bka nde pala ngayon isusubmit ngayon kya sorry nalang if ever"

ako namn.... cge okay lang.....pagkasara ng pinto... sinabi ko kay nicole SASAGAAN ko itong bata na ito!!! haha!!! tapos tawanan lang kami... hay naku.... pag stressed out ka... mabuti ng pagtawanan yung mga times na ganito kc masisira lang araw mo... mababaw lang kc akong tao... wala namn ako mabigat na hinihiningi simple lang ako mabuhay at matino.... haha... anyway, i had tp drive up to san bruno and park the car at aunt loo's house and then take a 5-7min walk to the bus stop... when i arrived at school... everything is fine again... steady lang... kaya nga nagpost ako ng entry sa blog.... may trabaho ako later at test i hope i do pretty good... baboosh!!!

kung gusto, maraming paraan, kung ayaw, maraming dahilan!

i really love this quote because it sounds so simple, but if you read it again and again, it strikes you in ways you can never imagine. i also recently found out that 90% of life is junk. if you pull out the important things in your life and prioritize it you will get what you want and when you want it. don't get me wrong junk is also good cuz it is somehow a necessity for the self. it's just that sometimes the junk that we love, takes over lives and we just submit to it, and we tend to forget the things that matter. im really busy now especially in school and work. my mom went to the Philippines last night. that lucky woman! anyway, responsibiities and demands in the house requires me to do more than my school and work.... it means i have to work harder to balance those three now... im really in a tight situtation right now wherein i have to balance everything...

i miss my bey..... i wish i could to talk to her this week...

that's all im out.

pinoy pride

haha... its so weird now that im here in the states... i miss the philippines sobra....
so imbis na kumakain ako ng sara lee cheesecakes or hagen daz ice cream... i crave for filipino food.... :) so tngnan niyong mabuti yung bibig ko.... hahaha...

goldilock's yan na mocha... yummy... ang sarap sarap.... syempre after food sa mga kanta akala niyo nde ko alam yung mga bago ha.... wel eto.... lam ko dati ko pang gusto maging rock star so kakantahan ko kayo....
hatid ng swabe kong bigote.....


at smooth na smooth na KILITEE

ako si mr. swabe!!! hahaha... lalng kung kilala niyo ako malamang wala lang ako magawa hehe... nagpapacute lng :p :)

a brand new day

I wake up this morning with my face held up high. Inside me my closed fist is pointing up to the heavens. I open my eyes and I choose to get my life back on track again. I close my eyes and all I see is what I am destined for. I was born in this world to succeed. I love life. BART is Back!!!

It's really funny what sleep can do. When you wake up you have another day to fight for what you believe in. A brand new day to choose the right choices. A brand new day to kick ass! Yeah! In my last post I wrote about one bad thing that america has taught me. Now let me give you a good one.

For the past few months.... I learned how to be an asshole ....



Im not saying it is all good... but i like what ive been made to be. It sucks being goody goody all the time. It just brought me to a balance wherein it created more choices. Choices wherein I don't care about what people think. An attitude wherein I can choose to be me. A life under my control.

Well... it's all good now with my mom and I... I apologized sincerely because i know family relationships is essential to any human being. It's just sometimes when I am pushed over the edge... I explode! I know I can't blame myself for being this way.... I bet everyone had a time in their life wherein they just lost balance and BAM!!! they didn't know what hit them from behind because they just lost their cool somehow. I now face the rising sun again and fix what I have done wrong, pick myself up again, and continue the road i was destined to move forward to.

i feel like monkey crap

i haven't felt like this in years. this is in other words can be described as.... HASSLEFECK. i wanna vommit. this has been one helluva morning. i wanna cry but as much as i want to there aint no fuck*n tears coming out. maybe sobrang manhid nako. cuz maybe now i am used to cover up my feelings for how hard it is to have a long distnce relationship. damn.

i had the biggest fight with my mom today and to tell you the truth, it is a major one because this is the biggest fight i had with her my whole life .we used to get along pretty well. then this morning it's like all hell broke lose. we were shouting at each other like crazy 3 year-olds, and if i think about it, its so fuck*n shallow. we weren't really communicating pretty well. well, that's what i think. i know it's a waste of time to dwell on it. but i know this will strengthen our relationship somehow and ive been really thinking about moving out of the house, but the thing is i cant entertain these kind of thoughts cuz wadafuk am i thinking? i still cant pay bills im still freakin student and i don't have a stable job yet! im so stressed out. she is also stressed out and we just somehow collided like two asteroids coliding in space. that's what american life is all about.

my day was really hard yesterday. i had to get my butt up to drive my dad to work at 5:30 am, 6:30-7:30get myself ready for school,then catch the samtrans-bus, then i went to my classes till 12, then trabaho na at 1:30-10pm, then naktulog ako like 12am then hintaid ko kanina ulit si dad ng masmaaga today.... tapos nagwala lang kami ni mom kc sabay lang kami nagexplode. i dunno basta it so hard to explain how it started e basta nadevelop sa roles namin sa bahay at yung ginagawa namin everyday kung gano kami ka-busy at san napupunta yung priorities ewan ko!.. punyeta i think i should drop this cuz i know it ain't worth my time. so i guess i should end this now kc sobrang babaw talga. sana maayos na ito.

governor ahhhnold in califohhnia

ilang beses ko na narinig ito? artistang na naging politician... aba e galing ata akong pinas! eh pucha masmalupit pa si swarsi kay erap e... masmagaling siya DAHIL nde siya nagraduate ng highschool ano na mangyayari sa buhay namin kung san na lng kami pumunta parating may ganito. mga bumuboto lalong nagiging tanga... haaaay ilang bese ba dapat mangyari ito upang matuto ang mga tao... hay naku... kakaiba... kakaiba talga..... dahil sa budget crisis $200 per unit ako! oo dalwang daang dolyar ang masama dto most of our money savings are in pesos! naknamPUTCHA! basta if iba si swarsi man... he better prove me wrong... kc mejo malapit na sa $20B ang utang ng california... well... bahala na... (offtopic) basta gagawa ako ng paraan future millionaire ako hahaa >:D (evil laugh)!... magulo ito.. welcome to the circus... kala ko tuloy nakatakas na kami... iba ito... haaayy

pasa ka

ang lumabas sa bibig ng mamang nagdrivetest sakin sa daly city. NAGPAPASALAMAT ako ng nagpapasalamat kc grabe ang driving dito ANG DAMI DAMING RULES! aaminin ko bumagsak ako ng first try pro totoo nga ang sabi nila pagbumagsak ka iba ang approach mo sa susunod. okay naman hehe... kc nagutom ako lalo at sweeter kung you get mad and angry tapos hiniritan ka ng "pasa ka" ang sarap hehe... basta iba yung feeling paguusapan natin next time ang definition ko ng gutom in my sense. kc lahat ng close sa akin pag gutom ako alam nila na kelangan nilang lumayo or nde ako kulitin kc bka mabastos ko lng sila. oh well.. ang sabi ko sa sarili ko... for every freedom there's an equal responsibility (from: spiderman)....sabi nga ng lolo ni peter parker... so totoo yun i have to be the driver now... ang tanging driver ng pamilya pag si tatay ay nasa trabaho. basta salamat sa Diyos at pumasa narin ako... :)

lalakeng nasa tabi ko....

nababasa mo ba ito? oo para sayo ito...pare ko kung naiintindihan mo ako. pwede ba lumayo ka sa akin? unang upo mo palng ang iyong aroma ay napakabangis. sige na prangkahan na. mabaho ka. alam ko masama ako pra sabhin ito pro habang gumagawa ako ng assignment pinipigil kong huminga kc pare ang bangis talga. lam mo yun? ang hirap sayo e nasa lab tayo at nde ako makaalis dto kc naipit ako sa mga assignments ko naiintindihan mo ba ako? sana nde ka mgtagal. (bglang naging black yung screen niya) hehe salamat at bglang nagrestart yung computer mo buti nalng sinagot na ang mga panalingin ko. buti nalng nde ka rin marunong magtagalog (hahaha!!!) tangina hassleduck ka ang saming talga... :p

just got this idea from someone... hehe!!!
PRESENTING the best and funniest pictures of my FRIENDSTERS!!!

10)
my friend benson ang galing hehe... pinoy!!!
9)
eto ang cool talga rocker talga at heart!!! lalng naastigan lng ako
8)
eto ewan ko ang panget e heheh!!!!
7)
eto astig buhok ni ludacris!!! at pinaitim niya mukha niya... astig yan... si teejay
6)
syempre sa sakuragi hanamichi favorite ko dati ang SLAM DUNK sa AXN!!! ;p
5)
nye basta ito ang panget din eh heheh!!!
4)
eto namn ang number 4 si mack!!! haha ang weird...
3)
eto si olie walang makakatalo dito... ang galing magadobe... bob marley ba namn... :p
2)
at second to the last si ANDY... haha!!! nice shot... kuhang kuha ang bird... ay eagle pala yan hehe...

last but not the least....
1)
syempre ANG CHAMPION SI MITCH!!! fan ako ng baywatch at yung picture kayo na bahala humusga... HAHAHAHA!!!

Artist: John Mayer
Song: Bigger Than My Body

This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tried to be something true

(chorus1)

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded (by)
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fears to dry

(chorus2)
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be something much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?
I've shed this skin that I've been chipping at
And I've never quite returned

(chorus1)
(chorus2)

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll glady go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name

(chorus1)

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be something much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now

I dont feel really good today. I think i have a slight fever and a really bad cold. I feel like sh*t. My head hurts and my body aches badly. I think I overworked yesterday. Imagine I had to be in the store at 9am to be in the meeting and stay there until 7pm cuz my shift starts after the meeting. I also worked saturday... it was fun but im telling you the store is really getting crazy now that halloween is near.

Well, i tried calling Bing today using a pay phone. I guess it didn't work cuz it just says goodbye and hangs up like after a minute of waiting... i tried it like 4-5 times and it still connect... i feel so bad....especially now that we really need to talk...it's been a while... and now that we have this new house... we still don't have a phone yet and its really hard...i really want to call her... i know we could talk this out...by the way did i tell you that i dreamt of her last night... lalng i miss her so badly.... i feel really guilty that i dont have time for her anymore... oh well... i have to go... :(

WARNING: a lot of profanity... yun lng..

sh*t! i just got a c+ on my english paper... it's so hard and i thought i got all my bases covered then all of a sudden my plan backfired... instead of a friggin <<(A)>> i got a C+... damn!!! i hate looking at it i wanna burn the damn paper. punyeta man!!! and you know what? tangina my first pay check that was supposed to be given yesterday wasn't brought in... so i have to wait for like days...im so frustrated today GAWD!!! tapos we are trying to settle in in this new city (millbrae) cuz we just relocated recently wherein i have to sleep in that f*ckin living room.... yes i dont have my own friggin room in our newly-owned-rented house... cn you believe all that crap?... i rly said so many things about it to my mom... and she just gave me a damn sarcastic answer... "sorry ha.. eto lng ang kaya namin maafford"....punyeta... i feel really spaced out man... i want to have so many things... i wanna have my own house... i wanna have my own car... i wanna own a lot of things... i wanna ace all my subjects this term...pra i can graduate kagad and get my butt off my parent's house....i wanna do so many things.... it is making me hungrier everyday... i hate waiting for it but i know... as i hold up from the sh*t of what everyday is shoving up my face....i treat it as a good thing... and i know... it makes me hungrier and hungrier to my goals... anyway, i have to F*ckin' go!! sorry for the profanity its just the day... sorry for that! :) damn that feels good!

my head is facing down. i am so tired. i need to rest. everything is cramming up. time dictates my choices. i just hate it. life is good but really stressfull. everyday i wake up asleep. i walk into my path not knowing where it leads me. my mind's all messed up. i am really confused. i just hope it reveals something soon. there are some things in life i will never know the explanation of. but tomorrow brings me closer to what i am destined for. today maybe hard but fighting it wouldn't make me lesser of the person that i am. my sole purpose in life is defined and there's no reason not to succeed. today i will not be afraid and i will get everything i want. i will be someone who i expect to be and not the person everyone expects me to be.